Every now and then I’m faced with a crisis…its not usually simple enough for me to explain here but it generally revolves around this small expression: “What the hell am I doing now?!” I survive these episodes of euphoric (yes, euphoric…) depression with the self consolation that most people must also be going through times like this and the hope that ‘this too shall pass’, but this time that hasn’t helped me out too much. I have always believed in the power of Hope. There have been times in which the most important people in my life have not been there to show support…there have been times when the people I expected to believe in me, didn’t really believe that I would be able to accomplish certain things (I don’t blame them, if it was me in their shoes it would have been the same.) but belief in the Big Guy, and hope that things will turn out the way I pray have kept me on the road (albeit at a slow pace)…
But the crisis now is that hope is keeping me down. Whats the point in hoping, in praying, in dreaming of something and then finding out that it wasn’t worth it? What if the glory I hope for doesn’t want me? What will happen if Hope gives way to dependence and I shut out all other doors of opportunity? What if I’ll never wake up from making castles in the air…castles that no one else wants to see…castles that will wither away soon….
And so for now…I bid adieu to hope…
