The Colour RED....

How much difference would it make, if a colour melted into another?

If the majestic Red of its thousand shades, ceased to be…!

How many more sunsets would drown in a sea of pale blue?

How many more fruits would be devoured by green worms?

How much more bloodshed would dry up into a white silence?

How many more blazing suns to be engulfed by a black hole?

But for now Red is whole, gleaming and glowing still hiding a tale of its own!

I wonder if she were a woman, I wonder who she would be:

I wonder if she would be a lover, a rose yet to bloom,

With blush on her cheeks and a shy pout on her lips…

Maybe a phoenix, rising from ashes of black dismay

Her body strengthens with each pulse of her colour

She is a vixen, her eyes painted with faces to kill

With spirit of righteousness hidden under a shroud of revenge …

Maybe Red is a man, a man waiting to be of significance:

Maybe he is in anger, for his eyes gleam through to his soul

And his aura a reflection of the turmoil he so holds…

Maybe he is in pain, writhing and toiling, testing his faith…

In agony so brutal, he cares not for the fate of any other shade.

He stands to signal danger, to show that this is end of roads!

I wonder what the end of Red’s story is: I wonder where it will fall.

As a lover, phoenix, vixen or in anger, pain and distraught?

I yearn to get an answer every time I knock, instead mocks me to the ground,

As the answer pounds against my wrist and in my heart, every time I call…

to forget or not to forget...

I was thinking of why i don't blog anymore ... i was thinking really hard (like the way u think of headings wen ur writing ur university paper on human physiology)...and then it struck me...!- I forgot...
Well, not technically forgot forgot... just forgot the specific cause..
I think the closest contender was my Facebook mini-stalker... or so I thought.. Anyway, That was taken care of by the police, with no help whatsoever from the useless godforsaken FB!! But it did grossly scar my internet persona. I started to question the use of my blogging, facebooking orkutting n all that crap. Even though i wasn't as involved as a lot of people.. i couldn't handle it well. My grades dropped, i was wasting time,, n i was not being so creative anymore. And so, i subconsciously backed outta it for a while...
But a lot of things have happened since that..I cant say i forgot forgot, but i forgot a lot of things that did happen... But i remember waking up on the day of a university paper and realizing i was miles from where i had planned to reach, I remember doodling away my best friend's name as she called to tell she was moving to a new job... I remember sniffing up a non-cold associated sniff as someone made fun of me putting on weight, I remember the sniff turning into a smile when my friend told that someone to watch her waistline instead...

I remember crying on my bed after my parents considered getting me married, i remember laughing it out with my fiance the next week :)...I remember eating biriyani alone from home, and i remember fighting over a cornetto with my gang from hostel.. I remember walking alone along a dark road clinging onto a  pepper-spray substitute and i remember ashing in a car with my family..I remember some things which i wish i'd forget, i remember a lot of things i dont ever want to forget...

why u need keywords...

So its been almost a month since i’ve been posted at ophthal. What have i learned from this one month.... well , i learnt the Malayalam word for cataract( embarrassing episode really...) and that if u strike a non functional torch against the OP walls its not likely to start functioning again...

But really,,, ophthal wasn’t too bad... i mean in the end we did manage to study sumthin and have fun in the process. But even if we had studied, there was that inevitable state of tension just before the end posting. Wats end posting? Its a mini practical exam to test the clinical abilities we’ve imbibed (or at least supposed to have imbibed by now.. J) . so today was my end posting... The only preparation i did before was to complete my record before hand( it was promptly whisked off by  my unity). I mean, ya sure , i did get 3 full holidays before..... but till Sunday night i was absolutely clueless. I manage to get a functioning torch from aish by night.

So what do i do? I rush through the heavy textbook in the most grotesque manner and think of few keywords to say during the viva. .... mainly... “cataract...cortical nuclear.... refraction...opacities...iris shadow.... senile... pupillary reflex...” n so on n so forth. But by 10 in the night i realised there was a very good chance of creating a disastrous endposting.. I wondered if my unitmates had finished studying....

nah!! They’re sweet ...not despicable enough to do sumthin like study fully for ophthal...

so anyway.... i go the next day to the OP (I waited aimlessly near the ward for sumtime before i realised the exam was sumwhere else..) .... and wait for my patient. My unitys are all in equally dire straits... one of ma pals actually managed to contract conjunctivitis.... but she still had to write the exam..  :P

anyway, as we sat there in the OP awaiting cases... there was only one thing ringing in our heads.... plz cataract only..plz dileep sir only... plz...

They called in 155 N 156... ok, plz cataract plz dileep sir...

157...sreya.s .prasad?  gr8 they finally pronounce my name right.. just in time to remember my face when i churn out idiotic answers. I greet my patient and sit next to her.. take in the informed consent and set a rapport yada yada while inside my head i’m rerunning the gameplan. Since diabetic eye disease was my seminar topic i happen to know it well,,, pretty much the only thing i know well. So if i direct diabetics into the viva thru this case.. i’m saved!!

So i wrote down the history... then,  history of past illness... n underline. I turn to my patient an old lady wearing dark goggles(w ho i later diagnosed with cataract and aphakia)...

“Ammumma... diabetes inte azugham undo? Sugar undo?”....

“Illa mole”

Ok.. maybe she didn’t understand sugar...

“Panchasaara???”

“Illa mole..”

Damn..there goes my gameplan

“Kudummbathil arkenkilum sugar undo?”

“Illa”

Hmm...so much for that ..

So i examine and re-examine and finally thank her n leave... only to realise that two sirs may take the vivA for us..one of them really petrifies me...

Fortunately my viva wasn’t bad. Who am i joking- it was gr8! I got Dileep sir,who was more interested in our extra curricular activities...

“OH , so u go for debate...”

Memories of my debates durin interbatch flood in...

                             -“dude wat the hell are u sayin”

                            -“somebody plz tell her to stop”

                          -“ eh y do u participate in debate again??”.

 NO NO NO! FOCUS SREYA!....immature senile cataract...aphakia....cataract...

“so whats the reason u don’t know the answer for my qn”

....because i spent time on my useless blog....because i never read the text properly.... because i can’t understand what i write in my note( i hav the worlds most beautiful handwriting..)...because...

“sir, the answer would be... refraction... in nuclear cataract...opacites...cortex...incipient stage...err..so iris shadow”

”oh yes,,, so u do know!! Good good..”

What can i say....thank god for keywords!!

What i meant to say....

I can’t understand this feeling

Just boiling up inside

Tossing and turning, hiding my smile...

Just realised my true worth:

Not an inch of any heart

Not a part of any smile.

You say you’re there, by my side,

But I can’t feel you when you’re gone

I still feel only bitter agony inside.

It’s so vague I can’t portray

Having my heart here, writhing,

As you lead me astray...

These tears come from nowhere

For many it’s out of sight.

I show them to you and I cry

As you righteously push me aside...

A half hearted promise you did give,

Or was it an option? ...  I don’t know

What’s the point in it?

When I know it’s nowhere near the truth...

You don’t know why you stay back,

I’m just a link to a memory long past...

Just search a little deeper inside

I’m not that special person anymore...

Why does the caged bird sing ?

Why does the caged bird sing?

Perched atop a metal rod...

Struggling in her cage

Singing a tune for all to hear,

Waiting to catch a passerby...

And declare through song and dance:

"You may think I’m tied down,

Never to fly and enjoy...

And yet I sing and flit!!

Do you know the truth??

What secret my humming portrays??"

Few stop...to see her work,

Wonder in their silent hearts:

Why the caged bird would sing?

But what would they know,

Who roam free and still remain frozen,

The solemn reason for which

A caged bird would sing!!

APPETITE TRIALS

I’m not the complaining type

But these dieting things...too much hype

What’s the point in controlling your waistline?

I’ll eat those burgers, give me a fine

Obesity and malnutrition trying to make a point

While I make time fly at a pizza joint

Junk food or calories, neither do I fear

When hunger calls, I’ll hold only my needs near

So, begin to imagine my glee

As one day in the newspaper i see

Those golden words that lit my soul

And alluring promise that made me drool

Behold that newspaper, my holy book

With its sultry smell and calm look

It had a message that thrilled me so

A medical trial, with a cure for this fatso!

“All you can eat, and still stay slim”

Could it be true, can medicine make me trim?

And I set out that day all hope aglow

Would my dreams come true, who would know?

They took me in with much grandeur

I’d thought they’d throw me in the sewer

My hunger can remain, those burgers will banish

My body stays the same, the cellulite will vanish!

It started Monday, with syringes and needles

And those meds stored in cradles

They poked and poked all around

It stung and hurt all about...

It came in all colours, it came in all shapes

Sometimes they’d pour it and I’d just sit and gape

Or on my arms, my legs, my little veins

Who would empathize with my tender pains?

By Tuesday, things were really sad

My appetite was the same, my tummy still bad

Forget body mass index, forget appetite trials

I want my life back, give me my files

So goes the tale, the story i told

Never believe what a newspaper sold

Don’t leave your burgers, just stay high

But of syringes and trials, bid goodbye

Inner Universe

Have you felt the warmth of a fiery heart

The way she scalds all in her path

Have you stood close by and watched

As walls collapsed and bridges arose

Intentions misjudged at slightest stray,

And efforts scorned with jealous ease,

Yet unquestioned her gallant strides

She walks on…burning her path!

Feel the uproar in her ever bright eyes

Know the grandeur in her steadfast gaze

Wings spread out, horizons to span

Sparks withheld, saved for frontiers ahead

To relieve her chains, to free her qualms

She moves past the deceit and troubles

Knowing for once that love will not last

Yet close her heart keeps some Hope…